


Teenager In Love

by demseaanemone



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Day At The Beach, Fluff, M/M, POV Second Person, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Quadrant Confusion, i guess lmao i dont know how to tag this, kankri elbows cronus in the jaw, kinda i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:28:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24813847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demseaanemone/pseuds/demseaanemone
Summary: Kankri and Cronus meet up at the beach but both of them are dicks in wildly different ways so things go haywire. i promise its not angsty tho sdjfnskn. i just wrote this cause most cronkri stuff is like. cronus going Sexual Harassment Mode on Kankri and i Do Not Vibe with that so uh yeah enjoy
Relationships: CronKri, Cronus Ampora/Kankri Vantas
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	Teenager In Love

**Author's Note:**

> ok so for their trollian screen names since they dont have canon screen names i just used their initials so when you see CA thats not eridan its cronus kjdnfsjdk sorry bout that 
> 
> also i did not proof this is wrote it in a fit of spite and put it on the internet enjoy

BE KANKRI VANTAS ===>

You are now Kankri Vantas. You have been dead for well over 45 sweeps at this point (or over 100 years, if you wanna use human terms). However, your body is eternally stuck at 9 sweeps, as living in the dream bubble doesn’t make you age. 

You’re currently standing in the middle of your respiteblock, which, if I’m being perfectly honest, is an odd way to spend your time. Seriously, an entire dream bubble to yourself, and you’re still in your hive? 

GLARE AT SMARTASS AUTHOR ===>

Geez, ok sorry! No, no— you don’t have to— oh god please don’t blow that goddamn whistle—. Damn, that thing’s loud. Fine, I’ll get on with it. 

Like I said, you’re still standing in the middle of your room. It’s rather warm, but you’re still wearing the huge red turtleneck and black leggings that you always do. You don’t have anything special planned for today, except for an especially long blog post about culling culture, but that doesn’t count. 

You pride yourself on your innate sense of justice and the standards to which you hold yourself and your peers. However, despite this superior persona, you’re an extreme hypocrite and tend to belittle others that you see as lesser than you under a guise of enlightenment that instead comes off as snobbery. Yeah, I said it.

Well, I suppose I’ve taken enough shots at you. I guess I should actually write this goddamn fanfiction instead of just insulting my favorite characters.

Your candy red husktop buzzes softly as it receives a notification. One of your friends is trolling you! That’s a surprise, considering how obnoxious you tend to be whenever anyone tries to get close to you. Geez! Fine! I’ll stop! Just don’t blow that fucking whistle again, for the love of Jegus!

ANSWER ===>

CA: hey wvantas  
CA: you should come dowvn to the beach  
CA: i feel like vwe hawven’t seen each other in ages  
KV: Cr9nus, I’ve 6een 6usy  
KV: 6esides, I prefer t9 av9id pe9ple who may be triggering to myself 9r 9thers  
CA: kanny you knowv thats not vwhat triggering means  
CA: besides, I’m not really that bad, am I?  
KV: Cr9nus, d9 we need t9 have an9ther talk a69ut what aspects 9f y9ur 6ehavi9r may 9r may n9t 6e triggering t9 pe9ple?  
CA: again, seriously not vwhat triggering means  
CA: but no  
CA: no, vwe really dont  
KV: 6ecause if y9u are in any way interested I am m9re than willing to help y9u!  
KV: It is always my pleasure, and my duty, t9 educate th9se wh9 are in need!  
CA: no im honestly fine  
CA: nowv are you gonna come dowvn or not?  
CA: cmon cheif, its not like you have anything better to do  
KV: F9r y9ur inf9rmati9n, I had a very detailed p9st 9n culling culture planned 9ut f9r t9day  
KV: 6ut I supp9se that f9r fear 9f 9ffending y9u, I c9uld spare a 6it 9f time  
CA: not sure if i should take that as an insult or not  
CA: see you in a bit!

Ugh, that guy infuriates you. Every other thing that comes out of his mouth you need to punctuate with a rant or a blow of your whistle. Honestly, between his constant unwanted advances on every troll he sees and his constant hemeophobia to anyone lower on the spectrum than him, it’s a wonder that you’ve managed to remain friends with him. 

Although, he’s the only one who will listen to your lengthy tirades, and you’re the only one who doesn’t laugh at his humanlike tendencies. Neither of you are the most...popular trolls in your friend group, so you’ve sort of bonded together, if only to stay sane. 

You slip the shiny sliver whistle off of your neck and swap it in favor of a smaller, duller one. You don’t want to tarnish your quality supply with the saltwater. You decide not to change your outfit, it’s not like you’re going to be swimming or anything. You make sure everything in your room is in order before leaving your hive. 

BE THE OTHER GUY ===>

You are now the other guy! Would you like to enter a name? 

GREASERAG DOUCHEWALLET ===>

While that’s not entirely inaccurate, it’s certainly not your name! Your name is Cronus Ampora, and you just successfully got a date for the first time in your life! Well. Calling it a date is a bit of a stretch. More accurately, you convinced someone to spend time with you of their own volition! Which is just as impressive of a feat. 

Frankly, it’s a surprise that you have any friends at all, what with how you act like a dick to anyone you deem inferior to you, then play the victim when people don’t want to hang out with you. Damn, how did you convince Kankri to join you?

Geez, ok, you can stop your pathetic complaining. Honestly, let me narrate how I want to narrate! Ahem. Where was I?

Oh yes, you’d somehow worn down one Kankri Vantas enough that he agreed to join you on the beach. You’re currently lounging in the warm sand, attempting to look sexy and utterly failing. You’re listening to the flow of the surf against the shore and it’s oddly calming.

As much as you wish you weren’t a troll, the ocean has always been comforting to you. Likely because of your seadweller roots, you’ve always felt as though the water was like a second home. 

Damn, you could probably write a pretty bitchin’ song about the sea if you tried. You have a bit of a passion for music, although you never bring it up. No one ever really stops to think about your feelings or your interests. 

Ah, the tormented life of an artist. Of course, you haven’t really given anyone a reason to ask about things in your personal life. Hmm, that could make a good song too! Perhaps you could start out with an F chord… perhaps a G… 

Your musical musings are interrupted by the sound of footsteps in the sand. Looks like your friend has finally decided to show up!

GREET KANKRI ===>

“Hey, Kanny!” You smile up at him and pat the spot next to you on your blanket. Looks like he hasn’t changed out of his usual outfit. He looks...weird, considering the two of you are on a beach. His sweater and leggings don’t look well suited for sand and water.

You kinda wish that you could see him in swim trunks, though. (Wow, ok, horny) Maybe it’s just cause you’re desperate for quadrants, but you think he’d look pretty fly with that horrible red sweater off. (Seriously, go to horny jail)

He sits down next to you and neatly folds his legs, still as uptight as ever. He looks out at the ocean, almost judgmentally. Of course Kankri’s condescension would still apply to the ocean. 

“So, why did you ask me to come here again?” His arms are folded, and he hasn’t even glanced at you for the entirety of your conversation. If this can even be classified as a conversation. 

“C’mon chief, can’t a guy wanna spend a little more time with his friend?”

“Well, while I am in no way insulting your character, or any other aspect of your personality, you often make advances on trolls, and while I understand that as a humankin, you often feel lonely, it can be potentially triggering to some, and you understand that I can’t possibly condone that sort of-”

“Wait, wait, wait. You’re telling me that you’ve been avoiding me cause you were scared I’d start flirting with you or somethin?”

He rolls his eyes, as much as one with blank voids can roll their eyes, and uncrosses his legs. “Cronus, I’m not afraid of your...advances, and implying otherwise is frankly rather insulting to my character.”

“Whoa there, Kanny, I was just trying to get things straight! I just wanted to catch up with my buddy!” There’s a pause as he exhales and the two of you stare at the waves. 

Geez, you sure are a great conversationalist, huh? You should probably say something else.

“So, uh. How’s the blog going? Still on the path of justice?” Yeah, that’s good, ask about his interests. 

Kankri purses his lips, but he looks happy that someone’s willing to listen to him. “Well, you know, educating people on how to be more aware and sensitive to social issues is an ongoing challenge! I’ve been compiling a list of ways that all trolls, especially those at the bottom of the hemeospectrum, can work to understand the ways that reverse privilege benefits them, and how they can diffuse it.”

You blink slowly. You didn’t understand half the words in that sentence, but you simply nod your head and try to appear interested.

“Damn, chief, that’s...informational. Well, uh. Glad to hear you’ve been having fun!” It is beyond you how anyone could find amusement in whatever convoluted discourse Kankri has steeped himself in, but hey, to each their own.

“Yes, well, one must keep their mind occupied, especially when one is dead.” He leans back on his elbows and wiggles his body a tad closer to you.

Well, damn, that must mean he’s into you, right? Damn, it’s not like you’re flushed for him or anything, but you’ll take what you can get. I mean, he’s practically flinging himself at you, right? You should definitely put an arm around his shoulder and pull him close to your chest, right?

Wrong. Touch-starved bastard. But you don’t heed the warnings of your highly intelligent narrator, and before you stop to think to yourself “hey, maybe this isn’t the best idea,” your face is already in the process of being assaulted by Kankri Vantas’s elbow. 

You really should have thought that through better, huh?

Before you can protest, he’s blowing that god awful whistle directly in your ear and holy fuck your ears are going to be ringing for days.

“Kanny, what the hell!” Your eyes are watering (little bitch baby), but you try your best to look indignant.

He’s livid. He’s on his feet, and for a second you think he’s gonna elbow you again. 

“How. Fucking. Dare you!”

“Kanny, chill out, it was just an arm-”

“It was just nothing! I’ll be taking my leave now. Good day, Cronus”

“Kanny, wait a minute-” Alas, he’s already gone. Damn, you really blew that one, huh? 

BE THE OTHER GUY ===>

You’re back to being Kankri Vantas. And holy shit, you’re pissed. Or, at least you think you are. You certainly don’t regret clocking Cronus in the jaw, he’s had it coming for a while now, but you’re unsure if your reaction was completely warranted.

I mean, it wasn’t like you minded his arm around you, it was a relatively innocent gesture, all things considered. But you couldn’t let him get the idea in his head that that kind of behavior was alright. You were responsible for the actions of your friends, weren’t you? And you had to take that responsibility seriously! 

But you do think you may have overreacted. By the time you make it back to your hive, you’re already formulating an apology in your head, one that would be reminiscent of a human influencer’s “I’m Sorry” video after they say a racial slur.

But when you open up your husktop, you’re greeted with a notification from Cronus. Well, that’s certainly surprising. You were hoping that you would be the first to address the situation, thereby appearing to be more selfless than you actually were. 

ANSWER CRONUS ===>

CA: hey chief i just vwanted to apologize for vwhat i did back there  
CA: i really didnt mean to freak you out or anythin i just vwanted to  
CA: i dont knowv  
CA: maybe see vwhere things go  
CA: quadrant-vwise  
KV: I see.  
KV: I actually was planning t9 say s9rry as well.  
KV: The way I lashed 9ut was inappr9priate f9r the situati9n and misled y9u 9n h9w I felt a69ut the circumstances.  
KV: This is in n9 way saying that y9u were in the right t9 t9uch me with9ut permissi9n, 9f c9urse, 6ut I 6elieve that there may have 6een an 9verreacti9n 9n my part.  
CA: vwhoa vwait a second  
CA: youre tellin me that youre actually alright vwith ya knowv  
CA: me  
CA: as one of your quadrants maybe perhaps  
KV: I’m saying that it’s n9t 9ut 9f the questi9n.  
KV: What d9 y9u say we try this thing again?  
CA: Vwhy not!  
CA: so, Kanny, vwhatddya say you meet me dowvn here at the beach?  
CA: and before you come dowvn here vwearing that fuckin swveater howv about you change into some actual svwimvwear  
CA: besides youre probably gonna look cute ;)  
KV: Cr9nus!  
KV: Fine. I’ll see y9u in a m9ment  
CA: can’t vwait :)


End file.
